8 Simple ways to overcome the pain of loss.

Life can be challenging. We are sometimes faced with some situations that cause us so much pain that we are tempted to give up. How do we cope when we lose someone we cherish and love deeply? Be it a family member, pet or even a relationship, it is never easy. The truth is, no one will ever truly understand how you feel but the Almighty God does.

Ps 34:18 – The Lord is close to the broken hearted, he rescues those whose Spirits are crushed. (NLT)

After the tragic loss of my mother two years ago, I felt completely devastated and was not sure how to cope. However the Lord led me through his Spirit to do certain things that have put me on the road to total recovery.  I trust God to do the same for you. (Though this article focuses on coping with the death of a loved one, it is also helpful in dealing with other forms of loss.)

1. Ask the Holy Spirit for help : It may seem obvious but it is easy to become  consumed by your pain, that you forget the Holy Spirit is there to bring comfort. He alone can reach deep into your heart and heal the wound, strengthen and give you the courage to move on. This is so important because many have become depressed and utterly fed up with life because they have tried to carry the burdens on their own. People may offer words of encouragement, which is fine, but I can tell you from my experience that mere words, do little to ease the pain. Take some time to pour out your heart to the Lord. Tell him exactly how you feel and how you need his help. You will be amazed at what he will do. Note, one can only receive help from the Holy Spirit if he is born again. If you are yet to receive Jesus Christ as your Lord, I encourage you to do so now.

Isiah 61:2-3 – He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favour has come and with it the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory. (NLT)

2. Spend time in prayers and study of the bible:

Jude 1:20 – But ye beloved, building up yourselves on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Ghost.(KJV)

Studying the bible and praying may be difficult when you suffer loss. However it is the most important thing you need during this period. If you find it difficult to concentrate, I suggest you invest in an audio bible and messages that will lift your soul. I recommend Archbishop Benson Idahosa’s teaching on the “Benefits of death”. It will give you a good perspective on the subject and make it easier to deal with this inevitable occurence of life. It is available on you tube. You should also build yourself up by praying in the Holy ghost often.

3. Listen to Uplifting music:

Eph 5:19 : Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs; singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord. (KJV)

  • Good music can be helpful during this period, particulary praise and worship songs. Dont give room for depression by being in a dull enviroment. Praise and worship invites the presence of God into your situation.

4. Do not dwell on the past:

Isiah 43:18-19 – Remember not the former things, neither consider things of old. Behold I will do a new thing,now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

I know this may seem impossible but it must be done, if you are to recover. Whilst we should always cherish the memories of our loved ones, overtly dwelling on pictures, videos or materials that remind us of them can make the recovery process slower. I suggest you give yourself time to accept the situation and heal first before you dwell on those.

5. Take it “One day at a time”:

I Pet 5:7 – Casting all your cares upon him for he careth for you.

If you try to comprehend every detail regarding how to cope without your loved one all at once, I guarantee you will end up overwhelmed. Whilst you should plan for important things like the funeral, finances, mortgages etc. everything should be broken down into manageable activities each day. Ask God to help you not to worry about tommorow. Seek professional counseling if you think you need it.

6. Eat. Rest. Sleep:

Ps 127:2 – It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for he giveth his beloved sleep.

You may not feel like doing any of these during this period but you need to stay energised to face the days ahead. It is important to eat healthy and drink a lot of water. Sleep is also needed to calm your nerves.

7. Surround yourself with people who can cheer you up:

Prov 27:17 – Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. (KJV)

When we feel sad, we most likely want to be left alone. While it is alright to spend some time alone to reflect, locking yourself away from others for a long period of time can be harmful. The devil knows you are most vulnerable at this time and he may begin to make destructive suggestions to you. Avoid people who may make you feel worse about your situation. Spend time with Godly people who can speak positively to you. Resorting to alchohol, drugs, immorality and the likes, CANNOT erase the pain. The momentary pleasure they give soon fades away and you are left feeling worse. Only the Holy Spirit can turn your pain to a blessing.

8. Give yourself time:

Rom 8:28 – For we know that ALL things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose. (KJV)

The healing process may be slow and difficult especialy if you lost someone you deeply love. However, I encourage you to first accept the reality of what has happened. Also refuse to be consumed by guilt. Some people may they should have done something to prevent the death from occuring. Even if this were true, please forgive yourself. If you fail to do so, you will never recover. I also felt guilty after I lost my mother in a car accident. I felt I should have given her better first aid to save her life. I struggled with this until I asked the Lord for help. He healed me and helped me understand that even without my input he could have still delivered my mother if he wanted to do so.

No one and nothing can replace your loved one but be open to receive the new oppotunities God will bring your way.

Please if you have personal experiences or other helpful tips kindly share  in the comment section below. You just might be helping a soul!

God bless you.

Do yourself a favour; FORGIVE!

Mathew 6:14 – 15 -” For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you forgive not men their tresspasses, neither will your Father forgive your tresspasses.”

Do you think God knew how cruel, insensitive and wicked people can be, when he gave the instructions above? Ofcourse he did! I know you may have been deeply hurt and probably have justifiable reasons to hold a grudge, but here is why you should forgive without delay:

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Have you noticed how your body system reacts when you see or think of someone who has hurt you? It makes you bitter, steals your joy and health and keeps the person constantly on your mind. Unforgiveness is poisonous and it is a demonic tool designed to stop you from receiving a breakthrough. The most dangerous thing about unforgiveness is that it hinders your prayers. God will not accept prayers or offerings where there is unforgiveness.

Futhermore, YOU ARE THE ONE IT HURTS; NOT THE PERSON THAT HAS HURT YOU. When you reach out to someone in forgiveness, it doesn’t mean you approve of what he or she has done. It doesn’t mean that you want them to do it again. Reaching out in forgiveness means that you value the love God has for that person and you want to be a channel through which that love will flow to them. Many have been afflicted with illnesses such as cancer,high blood pressure, depression,mental disorders due to unforgiveness. Sometimes, all it takes to receive healing, is to let go of all the hurt and bitterness.

Another reason you should forgive immediately is, when you continue being bitter and plan for revenge, you put yourself in God’s position. He says in Romans 12:19 ‘” Vengeance is mine”, vengeance is not yours! Unforgiveness is actually an emotional take-over of authority from God. It is ascending to God’s throne to make yourself a judge. Can you contend with God, and go scot- free? You are not the one who should dictate consequences for those who offended you! It is not your job to make sure they feel the appropriate amount of guilt for what they have done! God will do it for you.

Unforgiveness also hinders you from moving forward and receiving new opportunities in life. “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and go free.”-Katherine Ponder.

The devil is on a mission to stop you from getting God’s best for your life. He will often use people you care about, to get to you. However if you make up your mind to forgive easily, you become unstoppable. When people hurt you, its like they are throwing a big chain on your path to tie you down. Refusing to forgive them is like taking the other end of the chain and tying yourself to them. You cannot move ahead, you stay tied down.

Forgiveness is the virtue of the brave. It is for people who are destined for greatness; those who have decided that no matter what anyone says or does, they will not become negative or bitter. Mother Theresa said “People are often unreasonable and self- centered , forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives, be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you, be honest anyway. If you find happiness people may be jealous, be happy anyway. The good you do today, may be forgotten tommorow; do good anyway. Give the world your best and it may never be enough; give your best anyway. For you see, in the end it is between YOU and GOD. It was never between YOU and THEM.” The bible encourages us to do everything as unto the Lord. (Col 3:23)

I encourage you today, please forgive for your own sake. It is not always easy to do this, so you must ask the Holy Spirit to help you. Pour out your heart to the Lord and tell him exactly how you feel. He will bring you comfort and release the grace to forgive. In the same vein you must also forgive yourself. Many have no problems forgiving others but they constantly beat themselves up over past mistakes or failures. Forgiving yourself is just as important as forgiving others, for no one can give, what they do not have.

Please share your experiences with us in the comment section below and do let us know what you have decided to let go.

God bless you richly.

SOS- A wake up call for us!

2 Timothy 3:1- 4 –This know that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, despisers of them those that are good. Traitors, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God.

Recent events around the world, clearly indicate that we are at the end-times. Never in the history of mankind has there been this extent of violence, immorality, perversion, natural disasters, diseases and godlessness. One may argue that most of these things have always occured in the past but you cannot deny that the intensity and frequency, is at an all-time high. Like a pregnant woman at the point of delivery, the frequency and intensity of contractions have increased tremendously. Never have we seen such a blatant rejection of God and biblical values, such that any mention of his name in certain public places is outlawed in the guise of ” progressiveness”. Inordinate affection (LGBT) is being promoted and celebrated in the guise of “human rights and liberty”. Terrorism is on the increase daily in the guise of “holy war” and much more. We must understand that satan the devil is subtle and crafty. He uses wonderful and acceptable adjectives to make sin more appealing to us. He gives the illusion that human rights and liberty is being advanced yet he keeps ignorant individuals in deep bondage. One of his oldest forms of deception is to make man believe, there will be no consequences for disobedience to God’s commands. This was the strategy he used for Eve in the Garden of Eden, which inevitably led to the fall of mankind. (Gen 3). The word of God remains the truth by which we should live our lives. I must state here that the bible does not support intolerance, homophobia, hate speech and the likes, however we are admonished to speak the truth in love, warning all men of the eternal judgment of God if they fail to repent.

These are not times to continue business as usual. These are not times to be casual with your bible study, prayers, holiness and relationship with God. It’s time to WAKE UP! In Mathew 25, Jesus shared a parable about 10 virgins who fell asleep while they awaited the bridegrooms arrival. Fortunately, 5 of the virgins were wise enough to have extra oil in their lamps as the bride groom tarried. The other five who were foolish, ran out of oil before the bridegrooms arrival, hence they were cast into outer darkness where there was weeping and gnashing of teeth. This post is a wake up call for us, to do all we can to get extra oil( anointing) for our lamp(life).

Recently the Lord impressed it in my heart to do some self examination and I discovered some areas where I was falling short. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I have started making the necessary adjustments. I encourage you to do the same, lest we be caught unawares.

Whenever I meet someone who doubts the existence of God and the contents of the bible, I am quick to remind them that I have absolutely nothing to loose by believing God and his words. His commandments are not grevious and are actually for my good. If I exit this earth and I find out that everything I believed still holds true, I still get to enjoy love and fellowship with him here on earth and in eternity. However if I reject him here on earth, only to find out in eternity that everything the bible says is true, I would have lost a relationship with him here on earth and in eternity. Worst still is the terrible fate that the bible says awaits unbelievers in hell fire.

Please if you are yet to invite Jesus into your life, do so NOW. In a maximum of 100 years if Jesus tarries, everyone reading this post will most likely have exited the earth. What will be your eternal destiny?

Please say the prayers below to invite Jesus into your life.

Father, I come to you today, I confess that I am a sinner. I acknowledge that Jesus died and for my sins and resurrected. Please come into my life and be my Lord and personal saviour. Thank you Lord, I am now born again!

Congratulations! you are now a child of God. Please join a bible believing church to continue to grow in the Lord. I will be delighted to pray with you also. Do drop a comment below if you would like me to.

God bless you. Live ready!

Did you recieve the Holy Spirit when you believed?

Acts 19:2,6 :  Did you recieve the Holy Spirit when you believed? he asked them. “No” they replied, we havent even heard that there is a Holy Spirit.

Then when Paul laid his hands on them the Holy Spirit came on them and they spoke in tongues and prophesied. (NLT)

The opening scripture gives an account of Apostle Paul’s encounter with some believers at Ephesus. Note, these were believers in the lord Jesus, yet they knew nothing of the Holy Spirit. Sadly this is the situation of many believers today. Some have heard of him in passing but have never really studied the bible to find out his unique role in their lives. The bible reveals that there are two encounters a believer should have of the Holy Spirit, and they are:

1. The Indwelling of the Holy Spirit : This happens at salvation. When you repent and recieve Jesus Christ into your heart, the Holy spirit comes to dwell in your heart. His indwelling draws you closer to God and helps build your relationship with him. This is cultivated through prayer, study of the word and holy living. He also helps you mortify the deeds of the flesh and you begin to live a Christ – like life. ( Jn 7:38-39, Eph 1:3.)

2. The Outpouring / Baptism of the Holy Spirit: After you receive the indwelling of the Holy Spirit at salvation, there is also an experience called the baptism of the Holy Spirit. This is an outpouring of the power of the Holy Spirit upon you that enables you to manifest supernational signs and wonders. In Acts 1:8 the disciples were instructed to wait for this outpouring of power. Our opening verse is another example. Those men could only believe in Jesus because of the conviction of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinth 12:3). He dwelth in them after they believed, though they did not know him. However when Paul laid hands on them in Acts 19: 6 they received the baptism of the Holy Spirit, resulting in speaking of tongues and prophesying. One evidence that you have received the baptism of the Holy spirit is speaking in tongues.

How can I receive the indwelling and baptism of the Holy Spirit?

1. The first and most important step is that you repent of your sins and accept Jesus Christ as your Lord. Accept him into your heart and confess with your mouth that he is your Lord. To complete this step please take a moment to say the prayer below from your heart.

HEAVENLY FATHER,I ACKNOWLEDGE, THAT I AM A SINNER. I BELIEVE IN MY HEART THAT JESUS CHRIST IS THE SON OF GOD AND THAT HE DIED FOR MY SINS. I BELIEVE THAT YOU RAISED HIM FROM THE DEAD, FOR MY JUSTIFICATION. LORD JESUS, COME INTO MY HEART NOW. I RECEIVE YOU TODAY AS MY PERSONAL LORD AND SAVIOUR .THANK YOU LORD ,I AM NOW BORN AGAIN. AMEN!

Congratulations!! If you have just said that prayer sincerely, you are now born again and have received the indwelling of the Holy spirit. Please join a bible believing church and get a bible to study and grow your faith. If you would like me to pray for you, please drop a line in the comment section below.

2. Prayerfuly ask the Holy Spirit to baptize you. When you do, you may find that you have the urge to utter some words. Just let loose and speak out whatever comes to you at the time. It may sound like you’re babbling at first but never mind, you are now praying in the spirit. It may not sound perfect in the begining but as you continue, it will get better.

3. If you are unable to do step 2 above, have a mature believer lay hands on you and pray for the Holy Ghost baptism.

Rev. Oyiks Alfred, a wonderful woman of God, whom I listen to often shared the following tips on having a rich fellowship with the Comforter.

1. You must be willing to obey his instructions. Some of them may not make sense to you but you must yield unconditionally. You will have no regrets in the end.

2. Learn to acknowledge his presence. Do not ignore him but regularly communicate with him throughout the day.

3. You must do things Gods way. Your life style, choices and actions must conform to the word of God.

4. Be a worshipper. Learn to worship and praise God in prayer,songs and dance. The atmosphere of praise and worship releases the power of the Holy Spirit.

5. Learn to ask for help. As powerful as the Holy spirit is, he never forces himself on you. If you need help in any area just prayerfully ask him to help you.

You can listen to more of Rev Oyiks Alfreds messages in http://www.mspdevotion.org.

I hope you found this helpful. I will also be sharing a very important topic in my next article.

Stay connected, God bless you.